I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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