something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
