She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I could make wine with my vomit
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
