Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
