i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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