Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
