In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
