Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
