I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
