Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
