He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
