1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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