new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
