I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
