It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
