My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
