you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
