Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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