Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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