im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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