see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
