I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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