That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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