And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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