My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my shit smells like andre
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
