here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
