You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
