90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
