i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
In America we eat man semen.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
