Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
