you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
