I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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