My room smells like vodka and shame
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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