The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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