Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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