There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
