I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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