Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
