well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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