3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
