my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
