meet me or not, i'm out of control
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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