there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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