That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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