Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
someone owes me an orgasm
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
