something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
