He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
