I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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