woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
