her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
