I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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