On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Can Purell be used as lube?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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